God Doesn't Answer My Prayers

God doesn’t answer my prayers. Let me explain...

I have dear friends who have, what seems to be, every prayer answered in miraculous fashion and I burn with jealousy. I have other dear friends who, it would seem, have never had their deepest-heart’s desires filled despite fervent and faithful prayers and I burn in familiar pain.

I can relate to deep gut-wrenching prayers that bubble from the soul in face-to-the-floor posture. I can relate to the deep hope and belief that said prayers offered in full faith will be answered. I understand that answers come in three ways: yes, no, and wait.

But I mostly relate to the empty silence that follows said prayers. I mostly relate to the longing for a voice or the sky opening or signs and wonders. I relate to feeling left alone in the midst of chaos and subsequently take up the reigns to work and churn and labor under my own strength.
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And then, inevitably, I fall. And then I am left with shriveled faith and a weakened spirit. God doesn’t answer my prayers, or He does but I just sometimes lose the ability to see them. I pray for Him to help me find something and when it doesn’t leap from its hiding spot and slap me across the face and shout, “I’m here,” then when I find it 3 hours later I assume that God didn’t answer the prayer… I found it all on my own.

When I ask God for a new home, but it takes five years to get it, I assume that it was just financial stability and a strengthening housing market that allowed us to move and not the hand of God. Oh the pride. The sickening, disgusting pride.

I recently confided in a friend that I truly believe that God answers prayers, I just doubt that He answers mine. I also know that He hears me but He doesn’t seem it’s necessary to respond. And since that moment, in mutual confidence with this friend, a burden has been lifted. I feel like an AA member who has just confessed her addiction and now feels its freedom.

“Hello, my name is Amy and I am a doubter.”

I am Gomer in Hosea convinced that it is her lovers that gives her bread, water, wool, flax, oil, and drink and I fail to see that those things come from the very hand of God. I am Israel who having walked through divided waters and received bread from Heaven, now complains that God has left her diseased and hungry. I construct idols of my own heart and grieve the Lover of my soul.

“Hello, my name is Amy and I am ashamed.”

And yet I continue to pray. Why? Because prayer isn’t a quick-service, drive-thru where we make our requests at one end and receive exactly what we ordered and a side of fries on the other. Prayer isn’t saying the right thing in the right posture at the right moment with just the right amount of faith. Prayer isn’t meant to be solely a list of requests that we line up like a set of dominos and expect everything to fall neatly in to place.

There are a lot of things that prayer isn’t, but there is one thing that prayer is. It is a conversation with God, a connection with the Almighty, a source of change. Prayer is the way in which my will conforms to the Holy Spirit and we speak in one accord, to God, through the intercession of Jesus Christ.

God is big enough for my doubts. He is big enough to handle my accusations and my lack of faith. He is strong enough to show me my pride without hesitation. But He is gentle enough to do so tenderly. He is compassionate enough to bless me even when He knows I won’t recognize the Giver. And He is Love enough to offer this as a step in sanctification and not a step to condemnation.

So, I suppose when I say that God doesn’t answer my prayers, it is because He doesn’t answer them the way I expect Him to. He doesn’t answer my prayers with pomp and circumstance and out-of-left-field showmanship. He doesn’t answer my prayers with mind blowing exactitude and precise timing. My prayers and their answers aren’t the thing they make movies about.  

But He has given me more blessings than I can begin to count and He does answer slowly and effectively. He answers my prayers with precision in line with His will and His timing. He answers the prayers my mind doesn’t think to say. He answers my prayers through prevention rather than resolution. He answers my prayers using the ordinary and every day, like a card from a friend, a steady income, another morning to put my feet on the ground, or another day of messy sinks and toddler play. I don’t feign to know why He answers mine this way and not with the miraculous artistry He uses with others, but, you know, He does hear and He really does answer. 

"Hello, my name is Amy and I am a BELIEVER!"

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“Praise the Lord!
O give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever.
Who can utter the mighty doings of the Lord, or declare his praise?
Happy are those who observe justice, who do righteousness at all times…

Both we and our ancestors have sinned; we have committed iniquity, have done wickedly.
Our ancestors, when they were in Egypt, did not consider your wonderful works;
they did not remember the abundance of your steadfast love,
but rebelled against the Most High at the Red Sea.
Yet he saved them for his name’s sake, so that he might make known his mighty power.
He rebuked the Red Sea, and it became dry; he led them through the deep
as through a desert…

But they soon forgot his words; they did not wait for his counsel.
But they had a wanton craving in the wilderness and put God to the test in the desert;
He gave them what they asked, but sent a wasting disease among them…

They made a calf at Horeb and worshiped a cast image.
They exchanged the glory of God for the image of an ox that eats grass…

They grumbled in their tents, and did not obey the voice of the Lord….

O give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever.
Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, those he redeemed from trouble and gathered in from the lands from the east and from the west from the north and from the south….
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Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for this wonderful works to humankind.
For he satisfies the thirsty, and the hungry he fills with good things.”
A collection from Psalm 106 & 107 (NRSV)

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Over the past couple of weeks I have felt a real burden on my heart about prayer. I know the Holy Spirit is instructing me and I want to be open and pliable. Here are some things I am implementing to facilitate growth in this area.

1. I have started a prayer journal. No I have never done one before (shocking, I know).
2. I am intentionally reaching out to a SMALL group of TRUSTED friends with my specific requests and not just offering an “unspoken” at the allotted time on Sunday mornings (although that’s ok).
3. I am scheduling prayer time!!!
4. I am being silent during prayer and not doing all the talking. Listening!

How have you disciplined yourself in prayer and what does that look like? Do you have any advice?
Do you often feel like God doesn’t answer or hear you?