I have, all too often, watched the brokenness appear in my daughters eyes after words, sharp treacherous words, have spilled out of my mouth. 

I know when I have done it by the prick in my heart and by the shadow that falls across her tender face. I know I have done it, sometimes, even before the words escape me and I feel powerless to control their mutiny.

My big girl turned three last week. It’s not a milestone age, by traditional standards, but it has shown remarkable change. 

She takes dance class, she asks real and meaningful questions, she takes her plate to the sink, goes to the bathroom without being asked, she walks with her head high (most of the time), and she is fiercely protective of her baby sister (as long as Little Girl isn’t playing with her toys).

Angry. Foot stomping, fist waving, red faced, deep-throat screaming kind of angry. I see it all the time. My two angels have a way of showing their devilish sides with abandon when things don’t go their way.

Take, for example, yesterday afternoon when it was time to come back inside. Big Girl put on her big girl defiance and outright refused and the whole neighborhood got an earful of her rage.

Their hearts are so soft, so open and so trusting. But they are dirty, already. From the moment of birth, deep in their hearts, a seed of pride began to grow. And it grows more and more demanding every day. It threatens, even now, to spread and latch itself on to every inclination, every moment, and every vein. Sins’ roots sprout evil thoughts, immorality, lust, envy, coveting, foolishness, and hatred. 

This is how they were born. This is how I was born. This is the battle of the heart – it starts here. Inside of each of them, each of us. For out of natural inclinations of the heart, they are defiled.

As a mom I have made some trades. I have traded slacks for yoga pants and hairdressers for ponytails. I have written in the past about how this has changed me spiritually... today I'll go in a slightly different direction.

What follows is a list of some of the trades I've made as I become more mom and less... whatever I was before.