Being Human is Hard

Being human is hard. It wasn't meant to be, but it is. Solomon called it a "heavy burden" this being human thing. We will never be satisfied. We will always want more of something. But what is it that we really want more of?

I find myself like Eustace clawing and scraping and pulling at my skin, this dragon skin that keeps my soul bound. I writhe under its constraint and its weaknesses. I'm a prisoner inside my own anger, resentment, insecurities, faithlessness, and selfishness. I hate how the scaly, lumpy, dragon skin looks... how it feels. And I can't cast off this feeling that there is something greater; there is more.

Discouragement a constant companion in this, our humanness; failure its closest cousin.

With what are we left?
The Reality that we are nothing.
All is nothing. Vanity! Useless vanity!

Our humanity becomes our crutch on which we try to rise. We think, "if only I try harder... do better... change."

But we are still left empty.
Needy.
Longing for more.

More of something. But more of what?

More of you, Lord. More of you. More of what we can not be on our own. Let me be like Paul, content in my prison cell and constantly reminded of a fleshly thorn. Let me always strain to see your face. Let me always squint to catch a glimpse. Let me always know of my rotting humanity, that shell in which I am left to reside so that, on THAT DAY, I will feel the beauty of its falling away. The sweet relief of escape.

At the thought of my own glorification, Lord, I tremble. I pull away out of an acute awareness of my filth. But you, Lord, see the redeemed. As your eyes land on me, you see nothing of my warts and sense nothing of my stench, but only see the blood that covers me and the blinding shine of perfection.

For today, I will continue to arch my back in protest at this nasty shell that holds me, at this mind that struggles to understand, and at this heart that slowly separates with fractures and fissures unseen by the naked eye.

I will shout your praises in the blessed moments of reprieve; and I will rest well knowing that your compassion leads weary souls to still water. I will be ever thankful that your grace allows my human ears to hear the laughter of my children, my arms to feel the warmth of a hug, my mouth to taste the chill of an ice cold glass of water, my heart to swell with the love of family, and my mind to ponder the wonder of a Heavenly Father.

But, Lord, help me to sing even louder when the days are long and the burdens too heavy for me to bear. Help me to raise my hands even higher in praise when my voice begins to fail, knowing that my weakness points me ever closer to an Almighty Savior.

And let me never cease to sing, "Hallelujah!"

Sincerely
​AMY R DUNHAM

Scripture References for Reflection

Ecclesiastes 1:13-15
"I applied my mind to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under the heavens. What a heavy burden God has laid on mankind! I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind. What is crooked cannot be straightened; what is lacking cannot be counted."

2 Corinthians 12:7-9
"Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me-- to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me…"

Romans 8:28-30
"We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the first-born among many brethren. And those whom he predestined he also called; and those whom he called he also justified; and those whom he justified he also glorified."